Going Home
(now including a part two)
Sometime very soon I am going to take my family to see some places where I grew up. Homes, schools, hangouts, etc. They've seen a little of this or that, but I want to make a connection for them to me as a child....and sort of connect again myself. One place is an apartment community I lived in that was around a large lake with small unique playgrounds and a nature trail that went around the lake and through surrounding woods. I remember being 7 years old and standing outside by myself, envisioning what I would be like when I grew up. I sent a message to myself. I said "Hello", and that I hoped that my future self would deem this important and remember this moment and if so would not think I was silly. I didn't pick a specific age to reach out to, but I did understand that it was a far away time and that there was no telling where I'd be or what I would be like. I hoped that the Me in the future would think that the Me of now -1977- was smart, cute, deep, and special. For several minutes I stood there and focused, sending love, hoping that in some cosmic way my future self would say something back. Well, many years later in my twenties, I did think back to that little girl, and since then time and again I have said "hey" and sent love back to her. I do cherish her and will soon try to go stand back in that same place and see how it feels.
Part two-
"You Can't go back home"
Saturday, we drove halfway across the state to the city I grew up in (which is the 3rd largest city in the state) attempting to get a stronger feeling of attachment to those times and places I spent as a child growing up.... It has been 25 to 30 years since I lived at these places and nearly the whole city has gone to pot.
No view of "Memory Lane" anymore other than in my head...
The place I mentioned where that innocent little girl stood....now a lot of other people were standing out there....and without detailed descriptions of events that were happening, I'll just say there was no freakin' way I was gonna get out of my car and walk around those woods.
O.M.GODDDD!!!!!
No, I'm not that naive, as to presume that a certain amount of depreciation in appearance wouldn't have naturally happened over the years.....I expected it- but this is ridiculous. It was almost unrecognizable to the place I remember. This was at one time a nice urban multicultural community with apartments, condos and a highrise that surrounded a lake. There was once a nice pool with a lifeguard and a nice club house with a pool table, foosball, air-hockey, ping pong, etc. Ultra modern and clean. Now the pool is in shambles...shut down and the club house looks like a condemned shack. There used to be a pleasant nature trail with little wooden playgrounds that were very uniquely styled, unlike any I've seen since, and they were spaced apart at different places in the woods as it winded around the lake. A pretty lake with a nice dock. Now a nasty sludgy lake with a dilapidated dock. There was no way to prepare for that. It was depressing. I can't shake it off yet. Rickey made me laugh when he said, "Baby, if you want to stand out there, I'll have to bring a gun and you can have all the time you need." The world is becoming more and more savage. That is all I have to say.
(now including a part two)
Sometime very soon I am going to take my family to see some places where I grew up. Homes, schools, hangouts, etc. They've seen a little of this or that, but I want to make a connection for them to me as a child....and sort of connect again myself. One place is an apartment community I lived in that was around a large lake with small unique playgrounds and a nature trail that went around the lake and through surrounding woods. I remember being 7 years old and standing outside by myself, envisioning what I would be like when I grew up. I sent a message to myself. I said "Hello", and that I hoped that my future self would deem this important and remember this moment and if so would not think I was silly. I didn't pick a specific age to reach out to, but I did understand that it was a far away time and that there was no telling where I'd be or what I would be like. I hoped that the Me in the future would think that the Me of now -1977- was smart, cute, deep, and special. For several minutes I stood there and focused, sending love, hoping that in some cosmic way my future self would say something back. Well, many years later in my twenties, I did think back to that little girl, and since then time and again I have said "hey" and sent love back to her. I do cherish her and will soon try to go stand back in that same place and see how it feels.
Part two-
"You Can't go back home"
Saturday, we drove halfway across the state to the city I grew up in (which is the 3rd largest city in the state) attempting to get a stronger feeling of attachment to those times and places I spent as a child growing up.... It has been 25 to 30 years since I lived at these places and nearly the whole city has gone to pot.
No view of "Memory Lane" anymore other than in my head...
The place I mentioned where that innocent little girl stood....now a lot of other people were standing out there....and without detailed descriptions of events that were happening, I'll just say there was no freakin' way I was gonna get out of my car and walk around those woods.
O.M.GODDDD!!!!!
No, I'm not that naive, as to presume that a certain amount of depreciation in appearance wouldn't have naturally happened over the years.....I expected it- but this is ridiculous. It was almost unrecognizable to the place I remember. This was at one time a nice urban multicultural community with apartments, condos and a highrise that surrounded a lake. There was once a nice pool with a lifeguard and a nice club house with a pool table, foosball, air-hockey, ping pong, etc. Ultra modern and clean. Now the pool is in shambles...shut down and the club house looks like a condemned shack. There used to be a pleasant nature trail with little wooden playgrounds that were very uniquely styled, unlike any I've seen since, and they were spaced apart at different places in the woods as it winded around the lake. A pretty lake with a nice dock. Now a nasty sludgy lake with a dilapidated dock. There was no way to prepare for that. It was depressing. I can't shake it off yet. Rickey made me laugh when he said, "Baby, if you want to stand out there, I'll have to bring a gun and you can have all the time you need." The world is becoming more and more savage. That is all I have to say.
posted by shari at 7/28/2006 02:39:00 PM
4 Comments:
It's great to be able to stay in touch with "that little girl". MashaAllah. And May God Bless you as an adult, too.
In addition to that apartment community I wrote about, there was a nice brick house in a middle classed neighborhood I lived at in a small town beside the city. We saw the house a couple of years ago and it had gone somewhat downhill. We saw it yesterday and it now looks absolutely disgusting.
Thigh-high grass. Overgown bushes vines weeds, etc. Trash and yard junk everywhere. I can't tell if someone lives there or not. This is not a neighborhood that should be downhill like that.
I went to a Walgreens drugstore to use the bathroom and the girl had to walk me back to them and punch in a code to open the door. It is not like that at the one where I live. Thank God.
At least you still have your memories, and that's what counts the most.
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